remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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