Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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