This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ugly people sure do ruin things
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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