so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Are we still banned from the library?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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