I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
