she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
