i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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