we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
