at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
