I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
