Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
