I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
