So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
