Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
