I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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