i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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