4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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