how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
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So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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