while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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