community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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