He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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