I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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