We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
