so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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