If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize