thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
