I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
