it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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