so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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