I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
