eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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