I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
