I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I smell like Dick and happiness
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
