I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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