Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
