I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
