I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
