pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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