I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
