that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
