Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
