Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.