Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.