did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.