i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again