Got a toothbrush?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you win again, gameday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
