Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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