just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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