so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
