he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
