I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
