And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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