tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
