after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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