In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
