I haven't been this sober since birth.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
