my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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