It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
