end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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