Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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