he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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