Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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