so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
