you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
