I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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