You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
