i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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